http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness
Hello
Hello, I am a love shy male. I am normal person, as normal goes. I have a job. I have a college degree. I have a car. I live in an apartment. I have two parents that are both alive. But, I don't have a girlfriend and am not married. In fact, has been a long time since I had a girlfriend. I am not a virgin (thank god), I was able to experience that. But my connection (sexual or otherwise) is short lived and doesn't happen that often. In fact, I am so amazingly shy; in my entire life, I have only asked a girl out three times. Girls have asked me out more times. I went to the prom with a girl through a setup with my parents. Have I been with a "provider"? Yes. I have. What is a provider? Lets just say a provider is a provider of services (Google may also have a better definition).
OK, fair enough. So, what is the point of this blog? Well, I am posting to see if there are others out there, maybe I am even writing to understand myself a little better. Maybe I am posting to share with the so called "normal" people out there. In all honesty, I am kind of amazed at myself. I haven't been married (I am not 30, but close). I haven't really had a serious relationship. Hell, I don't even have many friends. It is not amazing in the sense of solving a difficult mathematical proof but amazing in the sense of; with all of these people (I live the US, there are 300 million people) that I haven't really connected with a person in all of these years. Or maybe I have but I missed the signals. It isn't a crime to be a social loner, is it? Like I mentioned before, I do all the normal things. I go to work, do my job. I try to keep in shape. Hang out at home, watch movies. I read a lot online. But, it seems like society says that I should be something else. By now, shouldn't I already have a wife, a house with a two car garage? I am writing this article on the weekend, shouldn't I be with my long time girlfriend watching a romantic movie or going to some kind of social event? Personally, I am fine where I am at? If I find some connection, that is fine too. My predicament (if you want to call it one) is not as serious as having cancer or being deployed on a long military engagement. I am lucky that I am not being shot by terrorists or I don't have to watch my corn-hole in a federal prison.
So, there you have it. I am the guy that has the super ability of repelling the attraction of women. I am anti-woman. Don't get me wrong. I still like women, but at this rate, I have a better chance of winning several state lotteries at once, becoming head of the UN, I have a better chance of curing cancer than getting into a great relationship with a beautiful woman (at least in the near term).
These are my stories.
Am I ugly?
(picture of beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Beetjoos1.jpg)Maybe I am just weird?
(from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:40-Year-OldVirginMoviePoster.jpg) Have you ever been to a party, and lets imagine there are 4 single girls and 5 single guys. Towards the end of the night, end of the party, it may seem like 4 girls and 4 guys are coming to hookup or at least get in contact in the future. So what about that lone guy? What about him? He is probably going home alone to watch cartoon network or his favorite Star Wars movie. This isn't that bad, but if it happens every weekend, we might have a problem. I feel like that guy sometimes. What happened? Was the guy funny enough? Was he secreting some strange body odor? Did guy brush his teeth? Did he bore to death with talk about his job as a lypo-suction technician? It may be a combination of all of these. I am not qualified enough to say what works in love, but I can say that attraction between men and women is very complicated. It is never cut in dry, especially in this modern world. You could have all of the money and success in the world, but the girl you are attracted to may only date tattoo-covered hipsters.
Some personal stuff
As I mentioned before, I am just a normal (ok not normal), late twenty-something. I go out at least once a week. Generally, I go to a bar; sometimes I go alone, sometimes with friends. Typically, we make fun of people we know and try to get drunk. The alpha-males among us try to hook-up with the attractive women in the bar (that would not include me). Every one in a while, I may go to a night club and dance with some random female. It is great to freak-dance with some random drunk women; but normally after thirty minutes to a hour, some "girl-friend" is begging to leave so you are back to square one, again.
There are two girls that I like, right now. But I am too shy to really ask them out. I could, but I won't. I have a mental disease, don't you understand? Plus, there is a certain window of opportunity that will close after a while. I don't want to go through that scenario where after 5 years I finally build the courage to ask her out and she is married, "You remember me from five years ago, we were freak dancing at our favorite club, you wanna go out? I would have asked you out earlier but I am kind of shy".
In Summary
That is all I have for today. It is the weekend, so I plan to surf the web some more and probably a watch an anime I haven't seen (don't worry I won't be getting laid tonight). But in the future, I hope to talk about my efforts in not picking up women. Efforts at the bar, at the nightclub. Turn-ons, turn-offs. Awkward moments, dangerous moments, lonely moments.
(Addendum) Recent Research and Studies
1. Intercourse and Intelligence "Last December I passed a paper along to Razib showing that high-school age adolescents with higher IQs and extremely low IQs were less likely to have had first intercourse than those with average to below average intelligence. (i.e. for males with IQs under 70, 63.3% were still virgins, for those with IQs between 70-90 only 50.2% were virgin, 58.6% were virgins with IQs between 90-110, and 70.3% with IQs over 110 were virgins)"
2. American Sex Survey "Ninety-seven percent of adult Americans have ever had sexual intercourse; three percent are virgins. Seventy-eight percent have had sex in the last year"
3. Is suicide an option? If you look at various shyness, love-shy, party of one forums. Suicide is thrown around casually. Normally the members don't seem to act on it, but lonelinesses can have an effect on ones well-being. One member in a forum posted this:
"My best friend from high school killed himself when we were 20. You never know what will feel like until you get that phone call at 8 in the morning saying that his little 14-year-old brother found his body in the drainage ditch...So no, I would say that suicide is definitely NOT an option--ever! I used to have those kinds of thoughts before that happened, but that changed my perspective on life irrevocably. You never know how much worse off things could be if you weren't around".
Some personal stuff
As I mentioned before, I am just a normal (ok not normal), late twenty-something. I go out at least once a week. Generally, I go to a bar; sometimes I go alone, sometimes with friends. Typically, we make fun of people we know and try to get drunk. The alpha-males among us try to hook-up with the attractive women in the bar (that would not include me). Every one in a while, I may go to a night club and dance with some random female. It is great to freak-dance with some random drunk women; but normally after thirty minutes to a hour, some "girl-friend" is begging to leave so you are back to square one, again.
There are two girls that I like, right now. But I am too shy to really ask them out. I could, but I won't. I have a mental disease, don't you understand? Plus, there is a certain window of opportunity that will close after a while. I don't want to go through that scenario where after 5 years I finally build the courage to ask her out and she is married, "You remember me from five years ago, we were freak dancing at our favorite club, you wanna go out? I would have asked you out earlier but I am kind of shy".
In Summary
That is all I have for today. It is the weekend, so I plan to surf the web some more and probably a watch an anime I haven't seen (don't worry I won't be getting laid tonight). But in the future, I hope to talk about my efforts in not picking up women. Efforts at the bar, at the nightclub. Turn-ons, turn-offs. Awkward moments, dangerous moments, lonely moments.
(Addendum) Recent Research and Studies
1. Intercourse and Intelligence "Last December I passed a paper along to Razib showing that high-school age adolescents with higher IQs and extremely low IQs were less likely to have had first intercourse than those with average to below average intelligence. (i.e. for males with IQs under 70, 63.3% were still virgins, for those with IQs between 70-90 only 50.2% were virgin, 58.6% were virgins with IQs between 90-110, and 70.3% with IQs over 110 were virgins)"
2. American Sex Survey "Ninety-seven percent of adult Americans have ever had sexual intercourse; three percent are virgins. Seventy-eight percent have had sex in the last year"
3. Is suicide an option? If you look at various shyness, love-shy, party of one forums. Suicide is thrown around casually. Normally the members don't seem to act on it, but lonelinesses can have an effect on ones well-being. One member in a forum posted this:
"My best friend from high school killed himself when we were 20. You never know what will feel like until you get that phone call at 8 in the morning saying that his little 14-year-old brother found his body in the drainage ditch...So no, I would say that suicide is definitely NOT an option--ever! I used to have those kinds of thoughts before that happened, but that changed my perspective on life irrevocably. You never know how much worse off things could be if you weren't around".
